The Birth of Ellie Rose

The Birth of Ellie-Rose (I don’t want you to read this until you’re at least 18 Ellie-Rose!)

 
When I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified. At 18 I thought my parents would kill me and I couldn’t find the words to tell your Dad.  We weren’t together and you weren’t planned... But after 3 weeks I got so excited!  I couldn’t wait to feel you kick; hear your heartbeat and most of all, to give birth to you!
 
As you know, you’re the 12th Grandchild on my side, so I was no stranger to babies, but the idea of you being mine and with me all the time just made me so happy!  You’re Daddy was like me, scared to begin with but eventually he started to tell me that he was excited and that he hoped you were a girl.  I was desperate for a baby girl too, but convinced myself that my baby was a boy, more out of fear of being disappointed and I never wanted to feel that.  So I bought some Blue outfits and talked about names... I chose Michael as your Christian name!  The first time you kicked I thought I had imagined it, but then you did it again.  It was like butterflies in my tummy.  Towards the end of my pregnancy, it was like you were purposefully trying to hurt me!!

You were due on the 9th of September 2008, but four days before, staying with my Mum and Dad I was in my Bedroom (Our Bedroom when we stay) and I was on the computer.  I started to get a dull ache in my tummy and thought that maybe it was indigestion.  It was only a short time later, around 6.30pm that it dawned on me that you might have been on your way.  You shifted to one side of my tummy and my tummy went really hard.  By then the pains were stronger, but not too bad.

I called Granny into the room and told her I thought I was in labour, and she didn’t believe me!  She told me to go for a walk to take my mind off it!  So off I went to the Pool shed where your uncles, Paddy and Petey, were playing pool.  I went in and sat on the edge of a chair in my pj’s and a t-shirt.  Paddy asked me if I wanted to play and when I said no he asked why... “I think I’m in labour”, I told him.  But they ignored me!  I was really confused!

At 7pm I went back into the house to watch Emmerdale with Granny and Granda and as the introduction finished, I heard a pop, down below!  I had been told that this sometimes happens when you’re waters have broken and sure enough, I was wet.  So I ran into the bathroom, tip-toeing over the new carpet in the hall in case I ruined it.  It was only when I was safely in the bathroom and out of sight that I called Granny.  She came in and I told her my waters had gone, shaking with nerves and excitement!  I wasn’t scared though, I was so pleased because I knew that I’d be seeing you soon!  When I turned around Granny said, “Emma, that’s blood.” And I almost dropped with fear!  I thought something was wrong and I didn’t know what to do.  But Granny said it was just a show, and she has eight children, so she knew what she was talking about!  But I was a little confused. At the Parent Craft class, the midwife had told me and your Daddy that a show was pinkish fluid that would be found on my knickers or on the toilet roll.  But I didn’t worry!

Granny rang Auntie Shelly and asked her to contact the Hospital.  I rang your Daddy, the conversation was short! When he picked up he asked if I was ok and when I told him that I was in labour he hung up! I thought it was strange but he rang back soon after and told me that he had panicked and almost forgot his name!  A midwife at the Hospital told Auntie Shelly that they were busy and didn’t want to see me until at least 10.30pm unless it was very urgent.  So I had quite a long wait ahead of me!  My contractions were strong by then but irregular, so I couldn’t time them.  I was throwing up and was still bleeding heavily.  In fact, every time I stood up I had a gush of blood that landed on the floor, full of clots.  It was agreed that I would wait until Auntie Grace finished work at ten, then we would go to Auntie Shelly’s which was on the way to the hospital, and Shelly would drive the rest of the way because Grace was a Restricted Driver and couldn’t drive on the Motorway.  Auntie Grace told everyone that went into the shop that knew me or her that I was in labour, so I got loads of Congratulations even before you were born! As I was feeling too dizzy to stand up, Auntie Kate had to dress me.  I was embarrassed but she didn’t mind!

By the time we left Granny’s House it was around 10.30pm and the roads were bumpy! A complete nightmare when you’re in labour as every bump makes contractions worse!  We got to Shelly’s House and I was sick again.  I got some water and we left again.  A daft driver almost crashed into us but I couldn’t even find the energy to feel scared! I felt sick and I couldn’t think straight because I was so dizzy. I kept asking if they had rang your Daddy, over and over again, which they assured me that they had. We arrived at the Hospital around 11.45pm and my contractions were only 50 seconds apart by now, so they felt never ending! They told me to wait in the Admissions room where lots of women were in labour, but seemed to be early labour.  In turns they clutched their tummies and went, “Ooh that was a really bad one.” When they didn’t even screw their faces up in pain.  I couldn’t sit, I couldn’t stand, I was being sick and my contractions were very painful!  I was soon to find out that the reason I was in more pain is because I was 6cm dilated and your head had engaged!

Eventually I was taken into a side room where a female Registrar gave me and internal examination.  She reached inside my vagina to feel how dilated I was, but instead was gathering scoops of clots and getting rid of them.  She checked your heart rate and told me that it was very slow and that you were distressed.  Then my waters broke, so they had to act fast.  I had to give verbal consent to an emergency Caesarean as there was no time to sign anything and I was shaved before they ran into Theatre with me.  A Nurse asked if it was okay to cut my bra... I was so out of it I said, “No, it’s new.  Shall I take it off instead?”  Then I spoke to the Anaesthetist and he put me under.  I still hadn’t seen your Daddy, but I didn’t really think about.  He was outside the Theatre though, waiting to meet you. (And they never did cut my Bra!)

You were born at 00.35 on the 6th of September 2008.  I came around at quarter to one or around that and you were nowhere to be seen.  I thought something had happened to you and was starting to panic when I noticed an incubator in the corner... it was you.  You were floppy and not breathing when you were born, your Apgar scores were three and nine.  I asked a midwife what you were and she said, “It’s a girl.  Five pounds and twelve and a half ounces.” I was then asked if I wanted a cup of tea and some toast... I wasn’t even given the option of holding you.  The midwife left and your Daddy, Auntie Grace and Auntie Michelle came in and wheeled you over to me... you looked so tiny, but perfect.  I could have cried just looking at you.  Eventually a midwife came back and handed you to me, and you were tiny, the smallest thing I’d ever seen in my life.  You latched on straight away and fed well, but later you were unsettled and a midwife gave you a formula feed while I was asleep.

The reason for your birth being a Caesarean was because I had what is called Placenta Abruptio where the placenta breaks away.  I had a 60% abruption, and you were being starved of oxygen and nutrients.  You almost died, and me too.  That was a terrifying thought.  Now that I have you, I could never be without you.  A few days before I had you, I had been for a routine check up in the Hospital and a Student Consultant had first checked my placenta, then the Registrar checked you.  The Consultant failed to spot the problem and I will be angry about that forever.
But now, you’re a healthy 8 month old, you’re trying to repeat everything I say, and you succeed a lot of the time! You’ve just got your first two teeth at once and you are beautiful!  When I look at you, I know what I was meant to do.  If I hadn’t had you, I’d be sorely missing something in my life.

I love you Ellie-Rose, Forever and Ever.  I promise to always do my best to protect you and always be there when you fall.